


the sky itself will carry me (back to you)

by hanielaa



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Hollistein - Freeform, Human Carmilla Karnstein, POV Carmilla, Song Lyrics, band au, carmillapocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4059214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanielaa/pseuds/hanielaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sleepless nights you creep inside of me<br/>Paint your shadows on the breath that we share<br/>You take more than just my sanity<br/>You take my reason not to care."</p><p>Or the fic in which Carmilla and Laura meet at a bar during Carmilla's gig, and fall head over heels for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the sky itself will carry me (back to you)

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song, One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles, and the other song mentioned is called Eden by Sara as well. I totally recommend listening to them before, during or after reading this. Enjoy!

When Carmilla thinks about it, this song is very different than the kind her band mostly plays.

Her stupid brother convinced her and the band to learn it cause he just desperately wanted to hear it acknowledged. Of course, her brother was the kind of person who didn’t stick to one genre of music. Thus, it wasn’t the usual kind of stuff he recommended they cover. It was a song that she wouldn’t have given a chance if he hadn’t told her too. At first she didn’t like it, but, it grew on her. After a while, she actually started really understanding the lyrics, and she felt the them resonate inside her. It’d been awhile since she’d found someone else’s words really connect with her.

So here she was, about to go on stage so they could do their set. She sighed, thinking she should have just said no, but in all honesty, Will was one of the few people who actually held power over Carmilla. Ever since they were young, he’d learned how to play her like a fiddle.

 _Why me?_ she thought to herself, but it didn’t matter. She shook out any nerves she had as the owner of the bar announced the band. In quick, long, confident strides she walked on stage first as the rest of the members followed her out from the curtains, waving to the surprisingly large audience. “Hey guys, we’re real excited to play a few songs for you tonight, enjoy,” Carmilla said with a lazy smirk playing across her face, she knew how to charm a crowd by now. And a simple introduction was one way.

They went through their set list, as they all performed like their lives depended on it. It wasn’t like they were at a big venue, but Carmilla was just happy to perform at all. With the way the crowd was acting, it was like they were at a stadium, she knew that they’d probably end up in one one of these days. Finally they reached the song that they were all a little nervous about doing, it was a risk, and they weren’t sure if the crowd would appreciate something so different. Carmilla picked up the microphone and walked downstage, “So this one is a new cover we’ve been working on, it’s called Eden,” she said. Now walking back to where the stand was, she placed the microphone back and looked behind her, the rest of her bandmates giving her a thumbs up. The synthesised beats started up and she ran her hands up the mic stand.

_Let me paint a picture for you then I'll have to teach you to see it_

_Illustrate the remnants of the life I used to live here in Eden_

_Rolled a lucky pair of dice, ended up paradise_

_Landed on a snake's eyes, took a bite and ended up bleeding_

__

She moved a bit, swinging her hips and whipping her head to emphasize the words. When the beats changed up she picked up the mic and traveled to the edge of the stage to sing the chorus.

_You know if I could change anything, I think I would start with the name_

_The truth is all those angels started acting the same_

_And I know there's no going back now cause_

_Life in Eden_

_Life in Eden changed_

__

One of her favorite pieces came up on her.

_No way to make the pain play fair_

_It doesn't disappear just because you say it isn't there_

_She sang the last part with more vigor, as she started to forget the world around her._

_So when they ask why'd she go you can say cause_

_Life in Eden_

_Life in Eden changed_

_Life in Eden changed_

It didn’t matter if the feelings she felt hurt, because they were real, and so was she. She’d spent years feeling non-existent, and pain made her feel like she was there at least. So the anger and hurt bottled up inside, when it was released, nothing was more freeing. She thought of Elle for a second, but that didn’t matter, Elle was a long time ago, and maybe, she’s better off without her.

 

_Walking in the garden was a serpent-shaped heart and he told me_

_That what is broken cannot show, and less than beautiful is worse than unholy_

_Idolized my innocence, stole it from me in the end_

_Now I'm wide awakened and still paying for the poison they sold me_

__

The funky piano ended and the chorus restarted, she paced across the edge of the stage. She didn’t regret doing this song, this was as strong as she’d felt in a while.

 

_You know if I could change anything, I think I would start with the name_

_The truth is all those angels started acting the same_

Huh, that line, it coursed through her veins to her heart, stinging it for a second.

_And I know there's no going back now cause_

_Life in Eden_

_Life in Eden changed_

Then, she saw it, saw her. A girl, a normal girl, yet somehow the most beautiful one she’d ever seen. She was dancing, tossing her hair, running her hands through it, mouthing the words. She didn’t care that there were people all around, she looked, free in that moment.

__

_No way to make the pain play fair_

_It doesn't disappear just because you say it isn't there_

_So when they ask why'd she go you can say cause_

_Life in Eden_

_Life in Eden changed_

_Life in Eden changed_

The girl still viciously mouthing the words finally lifted her head to the stage, and made eye contact with Carmilla.

__

_There was a time when I was taking all bets_

_That this place was even better than as good as it gets_

_And now looking back from the outside in_

_I think I was choking on the air in Eden (choking on the air in Eden)_

_God, this song,_ she thought, nothing had felt better in what felt like forever. She sung the song staring directly at the girl, as she sang passionately, the girl blushed and looked away. But then she looked like she steeled herself and looked back at Carmilla, daring her. She was almost surprised, but wasn’t. But even though the girl was exquisite, she finally looked away. It was about music. But she made a promise to find the girl after the show, she felt a desire to know this girl.

****  
  


_You know if I could change anything, I think I would start with the name_

_The truth is all those angels started acting the same_

_And I know there's no going back now cause_

_Life in Eden_

_Life in Eden changed_

_No way to make the pain play fair_

_It doesn't disappear just because you say it isn't there_

_So when they ask why'd she go you can say cause_

_Life in Eden_

_Life in Eden changed_

_When they ask why'd she go you_

_Cause life in Eden_

_Life in Eden changed_

_Life in Eden changed_

_Life in Eden changed_

__

Finally she finished the song. She felt breathless, finally the world faded back in, her vision cleared and she began to step out of the haze. “Thanks guys, we’re The Stakes, see you next time,” doing her best to recover and smirk at the audience, she wondered if she was fooling anyone.

They all walked off stage, and the crowed that had gathered had begun to disperse. As she walked backstage, she was bombarded by Will spurting off “That was pretty good,” and “I won’t lie, I’m kinda impressed,”. So she mumbled a thanks and pushed past, she had to find that girl, she only hoped she hadn’t left yet.

Soon enough she saw the girl sitting by herself alone, the glow she had earlier had left, and she looked almost sad. She decided to say something anyways.

“Hey, I’m Carmilla,” she said, getting the girl’s attention.

“Hey, you’re from the band!” the girl said excitedly, eyes widening for a second.

“Sure am,” she replied, looking over the girl, she was in a cream and black polka-dotted dress and saddle shoes. But her hair looked tousled, not pin straight, but not wavy exactly either. It framed her face, beautifully and effortlessly. She looked structured, but a little mussed at the same time.

“You were the one watching me the whole time!” The girl said accusingly, eyes narrowing.

“I only sang one verse to you,” she pointed out, the girl flushed, avoiding eye contact, “so how about you tell me your name, sweetheart?”

“It’s Laura,” she said, reaching out her hand, still blushing a bit, she loved that blush already, “it’s nice to meet you, Carmilla.” peeking up at Carmilla through her eyelashes.

{2 Months Later}

“Carm!” Laura shouted through the apartment, “Can you come help me?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m comin’ buttercup,” in wandered Carmilla still in a sleep induced haze, how was it that Laura woke up earlier than her when they were at Carmilla’s apartment?

"I need you to help me build the bookshelf we bought," Laura said as Carmilla walked into the room.

"No thanks," Carmilla said.

"Oh come on, it is for your apartment," Laura said, looking at her with those puppy eyes and still somehow a pointed stare. You could've added Laura to this list of a mere two people who had Carmilla whipped from nearly the moment they met. And Laura didn't abuse this power, usually, after all most of the time, Laura would do the same. Carmilla was no match for her honey brown eyes.

Carmilla sighed, "Sure, okay," rolling her eyes as Laura's face brightened, and she suppressed a smile. “Is the ginger squad coming over?” she asked.

“No, they aren’t,” Laura said pursing her lips at the “ginger squad” reference. In truth, Carmilla only pretended she didn’t like Laura’s friends. At first she hadn’t, but they cared about Laura, and they treated her well, and that was all that mattered. People treating Laura with kindness and respect. She still was sure that the tall one and Laura had a thing before. But Carmilla knew how Laura hated to feel like people were coddling her, and that’s what Danny did sometimes. The science-y one was sweet to Laura, and Ms. turtleneck was a comforting presence for the girl who stood next to her holding a screwdriver. Even the puppy dog was alright. Carmilla sometimes only pretended to not know their names to irritate Laura and them. Because if she didn’t actively try to annoy them, if she was herself, it would be worse if they just didn’t like her, so she put on a persona. Laura did have good friends, but how did she feel about Carmilla’s friends? In truth she didn’t have many, just the band, and her brother, and Will made bad first impressions, always. But, hopefully he was growing on the short girl.

“Alright,” she said sighing in a faux exasperated way, “Let’s do this,” looking over to her girlfriend, who smiled happily with victory. Her heart skipped in her chest, her girlfriend. How was it that this beautiful, smart, caring girl, chose to be with her? Her mind stayed on it, distracted as they started to assemble the shelf. Only speaking when Laura asked her something. She never had quite felt this way about someone, she had lost her practiced self-control for Laura. But maybe that wasn’t a bad thing? She looked down at Laura’s head in her lap, now that they’d finished the shelf, they had put on Laura’s box set of the Harry Potter films. Laura was ranting about something that was wrong about the movie. “Yeah, I’m sorry about your nerd movie,” she said, running her fingers through Laura’s hair.

Laura scoffing beneath her mumbling something that sounded like “I know you like them too,” She did like them, I mean please, like she hadn’t ever read Harry Potter when she was younger? It’s not like she had absolutely refused to have anything that resembled a childhood. She just liked to tease Laura. The movies ended and Carmilla insisted they break for dinner.

“Are you okay?” Laura asked as they set up places, “You seem a little out of it,”

“Yeah,” she said as she stared away, “just tired.”

“Alright,” Laura said, nodding and dropping the subject. They ate in relative silence, Laura could tell that something was bothering her girlfriend, but said nothing. As they cleaned up and got ready for bed, she wondered what had the other girl in a mood. Had she said something? Sometimes Carmilla was still a bit of a mystery, her motivations and thoughts unclear at times.

Carmilla was already in bed as her girlfriend got in, snuggling into the side of her chest, as Laura let out a sigh and closed her eyes. Carmilla let a little smile come through, as she leaned over to turn off the lamp, “Goodnight,” she said.

“Hmph, g’night,” the smaller girl said sleepily, burrowing into the blankets. Carmilla curled around her, hoping to warm her up. Laura was different than any girl she’d ever dated, she was everything that she’d been secretly looking for. In truth, she had thought she’d probably spend her life alone, but she’d met Laura and had known that she was special, and that even if it didn’t work out, she needed to know. But she thought that maybe, it would work out. Laura was amazing, she was fiery, she was beautiful, she made others want to be around her. She made Carmilla’s chest swell with pride that she was her girlfriend. She realized in that moment, that she loved Laura

{Another Month Later}

After she’d realized it, it was all she could think of. Constantly, all she wanted to do was tell Laura. She deserved to know she was loved, but Carmilla was almost too much of a coward to tell her. But Laura deserved a hero, and Carmilla wanted to be that for her. Whenever they were together, which was admittedly, pretty often, it was all she could do to not blurt it out. But no, if she was going to do this, she’d do it right. But it was hard, with Laura and her pretty eyes, her smile, how could anyone resist? She saw it as a testament to her willpower.

But now it was agonizing over just how to tell her? Over a nice dinner, while laying in bed? Where they had their first date? Underneath the streetlamps in Little Italy, or in the gaslamp quarter? Somewhere romantic? Somewhere simple?

No, where they first met. Inside the bar? On the street outside of it? On stage? Yes, that was it, people should see how lucky she was to have Laura as her girlfriend. Then she’d get off stage afterwards, and see Laura, would Laura smile and say I love you too? A dark part of her thought maybe Laura’d look at her disgusted, or say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that way,”

But no, she was pretty sure Laura felt the same way, maybe they were both cowards when it came to this. But Laura was always so brave, would she not tell her if she felt that way?

But it didn’t matter. She knew where she wanted to tell Laura, but how?

Then she thought of it, she’d sing her a song. She knew exactly which one, the band had played around with it, but Carmilla had never had someone to sing it too. All she had to do was set it up, and easily, after a few calls, it was, now all that was left was the waiting. What if Laura realized she was a monster? Or that she wasn’t good enough for Laura. What if she had second thoughts, or she left her for someone else? Or worse, what if she’d only been playing with Carmilla, what if she just saw all of this as a bit of fun? Then Carmilla would be the biggest fool in the world.

No, Laura wouldn’t do that. She could work a situation to her advantage, but she’d never play Carmilla for months on end. She cared about Carmilla, right? Of course she did. Thats how she knew this was the perfect song, she wanted to sing it to Laura at their wedding. It would be great, to sing her the song she’d told Laura she loved her in. They’d have a song, she’d never shared a song with someone before.

She realized then, that she intended to marry Laura if she could. Oh god, she really was in deep. Deeper than she’d ever been with someone before. Have you ever felt a completeness when someone’s around? And felt an empty space when they were gone? Have you ever truly loved everything about someone, even the flaws that made you angry sometimes? Have you ever had someone who could inflame you and fill you with passion, and then later, soothe you, to a state of bliss and peacefulness? Not many get the chance to feel this way. She knew she was lucky to find someone like Laura, a soulmate even. Now all she could do was hope that Laura felt the same way.

The night of, she’d gotten Laura to come to the performance, unfortunately, she brought her little crew, but oh well. Before she stepped out on stage, she realized she’d never been this nervous before, she was putting nearly everything on the line. As usual, the owner announced them, and they all entered the stage gracefully. She went with her usual charm, said all the things she’d said nearly a hundred times before. They ran through the setlist, it was the usual, but it was different than the one Laura had heard nearly three months ago. It wasn’t that Laura hadn’t heard them play since then, it’s just that it had been at different places, with songs that were more appropriate for those venues.

Finally, it was time, the last song, “So, this is one we’ve been working on for a while, but I never had quite the inspiration to do this one, but, now I do, this is called One Sweet Love.” She walked forward to the mic stand and ran her hands up it, to smooth out her nerves.

And then the guitar began, and she thought about how things were falling into place as she spotted Laura in the crowd.

_Just about the time the shadows call_

_I undress my mind and dare you to follow_

_Paint a portrait of my mystery_

_Only close my eyes and you are here with me_

_A nameless face to think I see_

_To sit and watch the waves with me till they're gone_

_A heart I'd swear I'd recognize is made out of_

_My own devices...._

_Could I be wrong?_

She saw Laura smiling at her, giving her a thumbs up. Her friends sitting around her, looking surprised. People always seemed to be surprised that she could sing.

_The time that I've taken_

_I pray is not wasted_

_Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?_

__

_Sleepless nights you creep inside of me_

_Paint your shadows on the breath that we share_

_You take more than just my sanity_

_You take my reason not to care._

Laura really did, take her reason to be apathetic that is, she showed her that it was good, and okay to care. She saw Laura and her friends sitting there, still watching.

__

_No ordinary wings I'll need_

_The sky itself will carry me back to you_

_The things I dream that I can do I'll open up_

_The moon for you_

_Just come down soon_

If she was being honest with herself, she would do anything Laura asked her to. She looked to her face, and saw as Laura’s expression had started changing, _oh god, what if I’ve been wrong the whole time?_ She looked away, and just let herself get lost in the thought of everything Laura was.

_The time that I've taken_

_I pray is not wasted_

_Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?_

_Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking_

_But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of_

_One sweet love._

__

The crowd seemed to be enjoying it, people were smiling, or looking dazed, swaying. Some were looking over to the person next to them, she even saw a couple kissing, she smiled softly.

__

_Savor the sorrow to soften the pain sip on_

_The southern rain_

_As I do, I don't look don't touch don't do anything_

_But hope that there is a you._

Some days, she did feel like it was all a dream, that this was all a lovely daydream. But she tried to trust that Laura was real, and breathing. She couldn’t bear to look at her yet.

__

_The earth that is the space between,_

_I'd banish it from under me...to get to you._

_Your unexpected love provides my solitary_

_Suicide...oh I wish I knew_

__

Laura was her reason for everything, and if she was hurt, or in trouble, Carmilla knew she’d risk life and limb to save her. If Laura was still alive, that’s all that mattered. She thought about how she probably didn’t deserve Laura sometimes, but she was glad she had her, at least for now.

_The time that I've taken_

_I pray is not wasted_

_Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?_

_Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking_

_But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of_

_One sweet love._

Finally, the song ended, she said thanks to the crowd and they left, simple as that. The rest of the band told her not to worry about helping them pack up, and to go find her girlfriend. In that moment, she almost ran. But she couldn’t play the coward anymore. She picked out Laura in the crowd, by the bar, in the same exact spot she’d been in when they first met. She looked even more beautiful than when Carmilla first saw her. “Hey,” she said, barely looking Laura in the eyes, “how’d you like it?” she asked.

“Carmilla,” Laura said, looking directly at her with a somber expression, she almost panicked, “I loved it!”

She let out a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding as Laura wrapped her arms around her neck. “I love you, Laura.” she said softly as she cradled Laura’s face in her hands, being gentle as possible.

“And I love you too, Carm.” Laura said, smiling sweetly, lovingly, her heart beat was going crazy when Laura looked at her like that. Every worry she had, started to leave her system. Everything seemed right in the world in that moment. No one was around them, and there were no annoying friends watching, it was just them. She leaned in to kiss Laura, giving her the softest kiss, she wanted to show that Laura was the most precious thing to her.

{Years Later}

It was funny, when they’d met, she’d been singing about how Eden wasn’t worth it. But she believed it more than ever, Eden was overrated. Now she got to sing her and Laura’s song, all while wearing white, and looking at the person who she cherished the most, with a big grin on their face. No ideal of heaven could be worth trading this.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Any notes or criticism would be appreciated. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.  
> find me on my mainblog spacecraftcat.tumblr or my writing blog hanielaa.tumblr.com


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